In the beginning, there was a bike; and it was good.
But in the wetter climes, the riding was muddy.
And the people cried out for their bikes and yea, their own selves were wet and covered in mud and grime such that their likenesses were unto a herd of swine.
And the gods heard their lamentation and created the full fenders and sent forth a messenger named Blaze with this gift to give it unto humankind.
And it was good.
But alas, it was not GREAT…..
The bikes and the people were cleaner, but still, their shoes were wet and soiled, and when they rode as a group, many dozens were the hundreds who became desecrated by the spray of their ride leaders.
And again, a great cry rose from the people.
And the gods again heard their cry and were merciful, and created for them a fuller fender, named after their hallowed home atop Mount Cascadia.
And there were four holy dimensions of the Cascadia, these being the dimensions of their holiness: Road, Mountain, Hybrid (which the Vagabonds call “Touring”), and a fourth one, upon which the Gods could not come to consensus on a name. Half of the 58 Gods wanted to call it Moad, the other half would have the name be Rountain.
And Blaze the Messenger who was summoned to bear the gifts to humankind wisely suggested it be named after the number of Gods in each camp — “29”. This pleased the Gods and the fender was set apart from the others by its color, and Blaze was sent forth from the heavens to the Earth.
And there was great rejoicing…..
But there was one who was not rejoicing, who is known as Carmageddon, who sought to sow seeds of dissent among humans so that they might abandon their bicycles altogether. And Carmageddon appeared among the people in the guise of one of them and said, “But what shall become of the many of us whose fenders are full but not as full as the Cascadia? Will not those with Cascadia fenders look upon us with scorn for our soiled toes?”
And those words did not fall upon deaf ears, and sinful covetousness grew amongst the people.
And Blaze rushed back to the Gods and told them of Carmageddon’s meddling. And in their wisdom, the Gods created an extension for the full fenders like unto those the Cascadia fenders had. And again Blaze bore the gifts to Earth so that there might be equality amongst the fendered.
And the evil that had done was exposed and Carmageddon was driven out of the land in his SUV, and there was peace again among the people.
And the people thanked Blaze, but was told in return, “Thank not me, but the Gods, for it was they who made this fender flap for you all.”
And the people resolved then the call this latest gift the Fender Flap of the Gods.
And it was very, very good.
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